Thank you beyondraisalove,
You inspired me to stick around.
I had not made up my mind on how I felt exactly. At least not truly to myself could I admit it as “the best time of my life” or something less appealing. But I think I have come to some conclusions and though it is almost petty for me to say what I am about to say with only being here 2 weeks, I will say it anyways because I seem to run into this same problem everywhere I go and the only true common factor is me (or so for simplicity I will say that).
I am uncomfortable to some degree here (as I am everywhere I suppose). And I figured out that it is because I am restricted. I feel like I can’t really be myself. I can’t be true to myself and it drives me crazy, but when I do begin to reveal anything worth calling real, I feel isolated which drives me crazy as well. So I have the outgoing and socializing side of me that can’t resist wanting to be friends with the mass (I wish I could stop that), but then I have my need to be honest to myself that is sacrificed when I pursue artificial friendships. My inner self is too harsh, too loud, too passionate, and analyzes to too deep depths that if I even attempt to show it to anyone with a weaker spirit or mind or soul they just stare blankly and turn the subject or get angry for what reason I do not know.
But to some it all up, I’m lonely. I miss being the unrestricted me and still having great friends.
Its the lies that kill us all in the end..
And yet, in darkness, I always eventually see the light..